


JoJo Kills Santa: JoJo Doesn't Believe in Christmas

by PeepMeep



Series: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: The Santa Clause [2]
Category: Santa Clause (Movies), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Contracts, M/M, the sequel no one asked for, this happened two years in a row it is now tradition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeepMeep/pseuds/PeepMeep
Summary: Upon Kakyoin's insistence, Jotaro finishes Santa's job and delivers the remaining presents. But that doesn't mean he's Santa, nope. This has to be the work of an enemy stand.





	JoJo Kills Santa: JoJo Doesn't Believe in Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the first one, go do that. It's 200 words but I Got Better since last year and I hope you can notice the difference in quality! Not just length.

Jotaro should have questioned the flying reindeer, the ability to fit into any chimney (or to BS one into existence, if needed), the bottomless sack of presents...but Kakyoin always had a rebuttal.

“Remember when you and Dio were just flying around in Cairo?”

“Polenarff and I shrunk our stands to fight The Lover while you were busy screwing around with Steely Dan, how is this any different?”

“You can’t really think, after everything we’ve been through, that this is the one thing you choose to disbelieve.”

“Yare yare daze.”

Kakyoin tapped his finger to his chin in thought. “You know, stands don’t stick around after you die.”

“So is Santa a stand user or not?” At least the reindeer knew what to do, planning out any sort of route or determining the goodness of a child was too much effort. Jotaro just wanted to be back in bed.

“Maybe it’s like Anubis, and the stand is actually the sleigh. That’s why no one ever sees it.”

“Why are you trying to figure this out.”

“Haven’t you ever wondered how Santa did it?”

“No.”

“You never saw the American movies? Your grandparents  _ live _ in  _ New York! _ Half of them are set there.”

“Didn’t pay attention.”

Kakyoin groaned. “You’re absolutely no fun.” Jotaro shrugged. “We’re going on an adventure and we don’t have to fight anyone or deal with weird toilets or anything.”

“If any of that happens, I’m blaming you. You’re the one who wanted to do this.”

Kakyoin crossed his arms and slumped down into the seat.

“Ora!” Star was pointing ahead of them excitedly.

“He must see something.” Kakyoin sat back up and leaned forwards. He squinted, trying to see through the dark and snow and clouds.

Jotaro’s grip tightened on the reins. “Be ready for anything.” He paused. “We’re descending.”

“That’s not you, is it?”

“No, I haven’t been in control of these things this whole time.”

“Hrm.” Hierophant Green curled around Kakyoin protectively. The stand users and their stands were on high alert, ready for an attack in any direction. Kakyoin noticed it first.

“There, on the ground, there’s lights.”

“Must be a city.”

“Could we even tell which one, from up here? At night?” Hierophant slithered down and hung off the runners of the sleigh to get a better look. “Look, there’s a landing strip!”

“Cities have airports.”

“There’s only one strip.”

“Must be a small airport.”

Despite their quick approach to the ground, neither of the stands seemed too worried. If anything, Star Platinum was enjoying himself; not having to fight or do some menial task was a novelty.

However the aerodynamics of a reindeer-pulled magic sleigh worked, the animals knew it well enough to ensure a smooth landing, hooves clattering on the tarmac.

A mass of figures approached in the darkness. Jotaro jumped to his feet and Star put up his fists.

“Welcome, welcome!” many voices cried out.

Kakyoin pulled on Jotaro’s sleeve. “Stand down, it’s just elves.”

“...Elves.”

The small people were visible in the light of the runway. Pointy hats, pointy ears, bright eyes. And very happy to see the guests.

“Welcome, Jotaro!”

He bristled. “How do you know me?”  _ This must be the work of an enemy stand. _

“Because you’re the new Mr. Claus.” A slightly-taller elf in an especially stupid outfit made his way to the front of the crowd.

“I’m not.”

“Okay, big guy. Come with me.” He motioned for the guests to follow him through the parting crowd.

Kakyoin hopped out of the sleigh, Hierophant Green floating alongside him. He looked back, noting Jotaro’s reluctance. “Well, come on!”

“This could be a trap.”

“Jojo, you could punt every single one of these elves if you wanted to. You’ll be fine.”

Jotaro mumbled to himself and pulled his cap over his eyes. 

“Ora.”

“Did Jojo ever tell you about Santa? And his workshop?” Kakyoin asked. Star shook his head. “You’re going to love this.”

“No, he won’t,” Jotaro replied.

“Don’t tell him what to do.”

“He’s my stand. That’s the point.”

There were a number of  _ oohs _ and  _ aahs _ as they walked past the gathering elves. The stands were intrigued and Kakyoin was enjoying himself too much. Jotaro remained as dour as always.

The inside of the shop was bright and brimming with activity. Elves were working at benches putting things together, from old-timey wooden toys to action figures for movies that had to be breaking copyright law.

“This is amazing, I never thought that-” Kakyoin stopped in his tracks. “Jojo.”

“What.”

“They have the  _ Super Famicom _ .”

Jotaro turned around to see elves soldering green electrical boards and fitting them into plastic cases.

“So?”

Kakyoin grabbed him and shook him. “No you don’t understand  _ they’re not even out yet _ they don’t go on sale until  _ November next year _ .”

“And?”

“And they’re just  _ making them _ . For Christmas! How are they doing that?”

Jotaro shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Hey, what’s the deal?” The presumably head elf walked back to the stragglers.

“How can you make all this stuff?” Kakyoin asked. “Before it’s even out?”

“Christmas magic,” the elf answered. “There’s a whole lotta kids who want a whole lotta stuff, so we have to get to it.”

“But you have 365 days until Christmas.”

“364. Anyway,” the elf now turned to Jotaro. “You put on the big guy’s jacket.”

“It wasn’t my idea.” He glared at Kakyoin.

“Did you check the pockets?”

“No.”

The elf groaned. “Well, do it. Come on, we don’t have all day.”

“Yare yare daze.” He fished in the oversize pockets until he pulled out a business card. He looked at the front, flipped it over, flipped it back. “So?”

“Read the fine print.”

Jotaro squinted at the red border, made up of words he could barely make out. He handed it to Star to read.

“...Ora.”

The elf nodded. “Exactly.”

Kakyoin looked between the two. “What?”

“It’s the Santa Clause. You put on the suit, you’re the big guy.”

“I’m not,” Jotaro stated.

“It’s a legally-binding contract, you should have read it before putting on the coat.”

Jotaro glared at Kakyoin, who could only smile sheepishly. “I was just worried about the kids who wouldn’t get presents. I didn’t think it’d turn out like this.”

The card ripped and half and fell to the floor. “I’m not Santa.” Jotaro’s gaze fell upon the elf, who didn’t seem concerned about the very angry giant in front of him, nor his floating companion (who was too busy looking at everything with Hierophant Green).

“Suit yourself.” The elf shrugged. “You have until Thanksgiving to get your affairs in order, then you’ll have to come back and get to work.”

“I won’t.”

“Jotaro.” He turned to Kakyoin. “You should think about it, all the kids who’ll be disappointed that there’s no Santa.”

“There isn’t.”

“Just because you don’t believe in Christmas doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

“Yes it does.”

Kakyoin flailed his arms. “What about  _ all of this _ ?”

“It doesn’t prove anything.”

“Jojo, oh my god.”

“Why not sleep on it?” the elf suggested.

“N-”

“That would be a great idea.” Jotaro made a noise at being cut off. “We have been up all night.”

“Right this way!” The elf lead them to a bedroom, with a charming sleigh bed and a quilt that would only work in a regular house for one month out of the year, it was so  _ Christmasy _ .

“Don’t forget, Thanksgiving.” The elf ducked out and closed the door.

“Okay, Jotaro. Oh come on, we have to talk about this.” Kakyoin groaned.

Jotaro pulled the blankets farther up himself. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Kakyoin slid in next to him in the bed. “Don’t be a grouch.”

“Nnng.”

 

“Jotaro. Jotaro, wake up.” He only turned over in bed. “Jotaro, do you remember last night?”

“Yes, I had a bad dream and then you woke me up.”

“And you think none of that happened?”

“Yes.”

“Look at your pajamas.”

Jotaro groaned and sat up in bed. Instead of his regular sleepwear, he was donning red silk pajamas, with a monogram on the breast pocket: SC.

Kakyoin crossed his arms. “What about now?”

“Yare yare daze.”

**Author's Note:**

> I actually did research on The Santa Clause, what year SDC ended, and what game consoles came out in Japan in '90 (so this would be Christmas '89).
> 
> Giorno will get shit presents every single year of his life and he'll never know why.


End file.
